There are times we simply need grit—to keep on keeping on, to push through the hard, to get to where we want to go.
And then there are times when pushing harder, and flexing our get-stuff-done muscle, isn’t what we need to solve the problem.
That’s what we explored in my last coaching group. Using Dr. John Townsend’s Growth Model, we looked at how we grow through doing and connecting. We need both—especially when working harder isn’t moving the needle.
When something we’re trying to resolve feels stuck, what we often need isn’t more effort. What we need is more connection. We need People Fuel.
Are you the type who tends to go it alone? You sit with your problem, trying to figure it out yourself, never thinking to let a friend or colleague know that you’re stuck, frustrated, or overwhelmed? No one in your corner of the world even knows you’re deep in stuck-dom?
There are two kinds of nutrients we need when we’re stuck. Our usual go-to of getting advice or strategy ideas from others—have their place, but they’re not where we start.
Our starting place is to let someone “be in the well” with us—to bring empathy, presence, and understanding. When we receive those, our nervous system settles, our brain opens up, and we begin to think clearly again. Then we can see the road ahead and come up with the solutions that get us there.
What is your problem to solve?
Are you aiming to get your team on board with a new idea, but it is met with polite nods & no buy in? Pushing harder or presenting it from a different angle doesn’t seem to help shift toward the desired vision?
Maybe you are managing people who miss their deadlines – a lot. You’ve tried all the things. Setting goals, giving reminders and reconstructing tasks. Nothing changes the unhelpful patterns.
My husband has told me of times when he has worked late into the night thinking he will get his current & urgent project completed, however he actually ends up not being fruitful at all. His brain is simply maxed out. those extra hours end up being only a few minutes worth of productive work.
I can get overwhelmed with a grand list of decisions that need to be made, and the train of me-being-productive comes to a fierce halt. Over the last several years of participating in my own growth group I have learned that what I need to get past the barrier is to not only go for a walk or a run or a dip in the ocean or journal…but to find my people. I know that I need to let someone in the well with me so I can get the relational nutrients required to clear up my brain. It is only then that I can get back to the work of being creative & fruitful.
And if you’re looking for a cohort where this system is built in, reach out to me. My Growth Groups are designed as relational cohorts—safe, committed spaces where we practice giving and receiving the very nutrients that fuel real growth in every area of life.
Question of the day:
Gather a person or two into the following ponderings:
Who in your circle of friends can attune well to your feelings with a genuine & deep understanding when you’re struggling? Are you letting them in?
Are there places where you need a little more push? Who would you be able to go to that would give you the challenge & encouragement you might need in order to keep at it?
To solve your current ‘problem’ what do you need more of? A little more push & determination? Or a space to process & receive encouragement?
For further study on the topic of relational nutrients:
People Fuel by Dr. John Townsend
The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud
Also, check out Dr. John Townsends 22 Relational Needs