Reflections from the Relationship Workshop
This past weekend, I had the joy of leading a workshop on one of my favorite topics: relationships. Not just romantic relationships or family relationships, but the full spectrum of friendships and connections that shape the emotional landscape of our lives.
We talked about how not all relationships are created equal—and how, when we don’t have the right kinds of people in the right places, we can end up feeling discouraged, overextended, or just plain lonely.
One framework we explored was what I call “The 8 C’s”—a model that helps us take stock of the different kinds of people in our lives. Some fill us up. Some stretch us. Some drain us. Some may need to be moved further out, or lovingly let go.
Here’s a quick glimpse at the categories:
- Coaches – Guides, mentors, and coaches who help us grow toward our goals in a variety of areas: relational, health, finance, legacy planning, therapy, art, or that book you were hoping to write.
- Close Friends – The few we can be fully ourselves with, who offer truth and tenderness in equal measure.
- Comrades – A ‘life team’ who is intentionally committed to your growth. Kind of like your own personal ‘board of directors’.
- Casuals – Light, enjoyable connections that add color to our lives and who may become Close Friends over time.
- Colleagues – Work relationships that, while professional, can also nourish us.
- Care Relationships – Where we’re giving to someone truly in need for a season, and they are taking the nutrients received to grow towards health.
- Chronics – Relationships that take and take without moving forward.
- Contaminants – The rare, but real, unsafe people who need our strong boundaries—we can love them from a distance.
Looking at your relational world through this lens can be illuminating. You might realize you’ve been expecting a Colleague to act like a Close Friend—or that a Chronic has quietly taken the emotional seat meant for a Close friend.
We also explored the inner barriers that keep us from the friendships we long for. Limiting beliefs like:
- “I can’t count on others.” → So I carry more than I was meant to, alone.
- “People won’t really get me.” → So I keep parts of myself hidden.
- “I don’t need anyone.” → Independence becomes a wall, not just a strength.
- “If I show the real me, I’ll be rejected.” → So I wear a mask, even when I long to be seen.
- “They’ll let me down—I’ll just handle it myself.” → Control feels safer than hope.
- “If they don’t initiate, they must not care.” → So I stay distant, even when I want connection.
- “I need to stay small.” → So I don’t take up space or share what I really need.
- “I don’t bring enough to the table.” → So I over-give or hold back altogether.
- “If I fail, they won’t accept me.” → So I keep people from seeing the messy parts of my story.
Those thoughts may have started for a variety of reasons in younger years. But now? They quietly sabotage the connection we crave (and need).
Do you recognize painful patterns you may have? Do you notice friendships that keep ending the same way, or relationships where you have been stuck giving more than is healthy? Do you find yourself expecting colleagues to fill the role of close friends—looking for depth and connection in a space that may not be meant for it? Do you tend to not see the value in casual connections, assuming that if a relationship isn’t deep, it isn’t meaningful? Light, enjoyable friendships are truly a valuable part of a well-rounded relational life.
These and more were the take-aways of this beautiful group of women. Life is too important to walk it alone—or with the wrong people in the wrong seats.
If this reflection stirred something in you, I’d love to invite you to consider joining my next group, or working with me individually. We take a deep and honest look at how we’re wired, what we need, and how to pursue relationships that help us thrive. It’s a rich, safe, and truly life-giving work.
And for now, as you go about your week, here’s a question I hope you’ll carry with you and maybe even ponder with the people in your corner of the world:
What kind of friendships do I need more of in my life right now?
Onward,
Tina