We change. And when we change, our friendships change as well.
Sometimes it is healthy growth that creates the relationship to shift. New growth in us might mean we are no longer in need of the relationship as it is. As we grow, we learn to stand on our feet a bit more and lean toward a more healthy boundaried connection.
Or sometimes we might just simply have different needs reflective of life’s stages and living situations.
What worked before, might not work anymore.
If this is the case, it doesn’t mean that we are to throw away the old relationship. There is so much value in the shared history together. But the things we have always done as friends might need to readjust to the current YOU.
Often times it can be our unhealthy tendency to split off from certain relationships when we make changes. We consider that relationship to essentially be ‘all bad’. Well, we might not use those actual words to describe it, but in order to grow we feel that we need to cut off that person from our lives, thinking we have no room for that relationship at all.
Indeed, there are times when a relationship IS truly unhealthy for us and separation for a time would be beneficial.
But for most relationships, instead of cutting it off completely, we can find the beauty that was shared within the relationship, and begin to create new ways to engage moving forward.
When we make personal-growth or life-stage shifts it is good to reexamine our relationships and tweak them.
This can involve a simple conversation where we share that we have made a shift, we are growing, and as the other person is likely growing as well, let’s take some time to look at our relationship for the purpose of making adjustments fitting to our current situation. Be curious together about how you want to proceed during the next season ahead.
It is better to look at the reality of our relationships, letting them ebb and flow with’s life’s rhythm, than to break them off, leaving a ripple of hard feelings and hurt in the wake.