Sometimes the thing we need most,
is the thing we do most for others.
is the thing we do most for others.
Let’s think about that for a minute.
Ask yourself the question.
What is it that you do easily for others?
Which role do you serve with skill and passion in your relationships?
What comes naturally?
Is there a piece of you that has a tendency to connect with others in a place that is dear to your heart? A place that means the world to you? A place that has your passion? You are even incredibly good at it, and a huge blessing to others because you are good at it?
Looking at this ‘thing we do’ can be super helpful.
We can use this little insight as a tool. A tool to uncover what we need for ourselves.
Sometimes the reason something has our heart, is because there is a remaining need that is unmet in our own selves, and we take that need we have and offer it to others rather than to our selves.
In fact, we often go into helping ourselves through the helping of others.
We don’t stop for a quick minute to observe ourselves and get our own internal need met.
We disqualify our own need (for connection, warmth, hugs, attention) by saying ‘they’ need it more.
Sometimes we just don’t see it at all. We humans are good at hiding from our own selves.
We make others more important and forget that we help others best when we help ourselves first.
We forget that we matter, too.
Yep. WE matter.
YOU matter big time!
It is good and essential to take care of wonderful and beautiful YOU.
So, let’s take a minute and do the pondering together:
Where do we help others best?
What do we notice about others?
What are the things we are good at working out in others?
Do we see others who need comfort….because we need comfort?
This is awesome.
Comfort your friend.
Comfort them well.
Then step aside and take the time to receive comfort for yourself.
Do we gather people around ourselves…because we need connection?
If any of you know me, my home is open and freely flowing with people.
My doors are always open.
My table has people around it.
I offer connection.
I offer connection…..because I need it for myself.
Are you similar?
Do you gather people around you?
Do you do it well?
Make sure you step aside from the busy-ness hospitality requires and get the connection you yourself desire.
Do you hone in to the deep grief of others and sit with them in the well as they grieve? There is no one who can walk along side others in their grief quite as deeply as you do. No one who touches the hurting so deeply.
You offer this because you have experienced deep grief as well.
In your offering comfort to the grieving, do you remember that you need it as well?
You need someone to sit with you in your well of grief from time to time?
You need someone to share the weight of your tears?
The weight of all the death and loss in your life?
Your own deep grief matters, too.
Reach to another to join you under your heavy cloud of grief.
The need you see others have,
and you are there for them to meet that need,
is often the need you have,
and would love for others to meet for you.
What are the things you are good at working out in others? How do you need it for yourself?
I am right here in the same needy-boat with you!
Let’s put ourselves under the rain cloud in order to get watered, too!
Let’s lovingly honor our needs.
Do we stop doing ‘that thing’ for others?
We continue, for sure.
We continue loving as deeply as only we can love!
But we continue, while at the same time recognizing that we need it for ourselves.
We need connection.
We need comfort.
We need someone to be with us in our grief.
Take the time to find those things for you!
Find connection for yourself.
Find the friend who will share your grief?
Find the one who gets you like you get others.
….then get back to ‘that thing you do’, and do it well! You will actually find yourself recharged and better able to do ‘that thing you do’!
To sum it all up…..when taking inventory of how you are doing, take a peek at how you are meeting the needs of others, and ask yourself if YOU are the one who actually needs it!
Then….meet that need in you! Find the people-fuel that YOU need….because YOU matter.
Oh. And I would love to hear how this applies to your story! Shoot me an email and let’s talk!
What is your area of unmet needs that is so competently and wholeheartedly offered to others by you? How does knowing that impact you? Does it change anything? Does it change the way you see yourself?
It changed me!